


doldrums

by fatalize



Series: Fruits Basket Childhood [4]
Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15176015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatalize/pseuds/fatalize
Summary: Machi was quiet because being quiet meant being good.





	doldrums

**Author's Note:**

> And now for something a little bit different.
> 
> I wanted to try doing something a little more experimental, just because it's easier for me and more my style than a straight third-person past-tense narrative (which I've been doing for these drabbles). So Machi was my go-to girl.
> 
> Timeline for this is again kind of vague -- it's just sometime before Machi's little brother was born.

            The voices, always the voices

            The voices demanding adult voices shut up _Machi is_ I know what Machi is I’m right here, the voices women voices and always (shut up) always (one second of silence, please) always arguing and asking and aggravating and

            Just shut up

            For one second

            One second just look at yourselves and stop be quiet and leave me alone just stop just stop just Stop

* * *

            Machi was quiet because being quiet meant being good. And good was one step shy of perfection. Or at least goodness was on the path to perfection, was a step to being smart enough and pleasant enough and good enough and enough enough enough enough.

            It wouldn’t do if she was loud, right, if she was obnoxious obtrusive obstinate. Annoying. It wouldn’t do if she was blah blah blah and yadda yadda yadda and substanceless space.

            And besides her mother was loud and it bothered her.

            If she bit her tongue and did what her mother said then maybe her demands would lessen. Maybe they would turn to praise instead. Maybe everything would be alright then. So she tried to be quiet, diminished, leaving herself unruffled unrippled a clear, still lake.

            She always tried to be very, very still. Statuesque. Stone, polished, smooth, perfection.

            Was that alright? Was it good enough now? Was it?

            Mother?

            “Machi is…”

            Yes?

            “…a bit boring.”

* * *

            Machi was a doll and so she could detach and reattach her limbs at will. They were fake anyway, they weren’t hers. Hollow. Hard. For someone else to play with. Someone else. Someone not her.

            Who was she?

            I’m Machi.

            Who’s Machi?

            Machi is boring.

            Machi is empty.

* * *

            _Machi is_ KAKERU IS _it should be her because_ BUT KAKERU IS A _but why should I_ ISN’T SHE A GIRL _and you’re not even his legal_ HOW DARE YOU SAY _but I’m right aren’t I_ WHO DO YOU THINK YOU _why don’t you just_

            Detach. Reattach. She didn’t need her limbs after all. Her hand was for writing notes and after that she was done with it. Not needed. _Ka-chik._ Her hand’s work was done with for the day. You can rest now.

            LEAVE _I don’t know why you’re still here when_ HOW I AM HOW ABOUT _and you have the nerve to_ TALK ABOUT NERVE _and your stupid, illegitimate_ DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT _your son shouldn’t even_ DON’T YOU DARE

            Her ears, her ears, her ears oh if only her ears would detach but even if they could she would still always hear the words in her heart an endless cacophony. Her heart her heart her heart oh if only she could detach her heart but it was always roaring, always shaking and reverberating and the one thing she couldn’t make still. Couldn’t make still couldn’t quiet and she tried so hard to make still make quiet everything else

            And her hand, her detached hand didn’t need to be still anymore did it no so she would use it. For herself this time. It was done doing what her mother wanted for the day, so she took it

            And _sm a s h  e   d_ it down onto the table

            and suddenly

            there was

            quiet.


End file.
